Thread: Tales of Animeb

Man how do you think i feel at almost every other story available on animeb

Originally Posted by Dr. Tokofan

Lack of Toko greatly wounds the Toko's ego :c

Practically every female included has been sexually objectified or subjectified by Ecchirei. Which category are you aiming to end up in?

Originally Posted by Assistant Pedowookie

how do you think i feel at almost every other story available on animeb

Us two having key roles marks the beginning of a new era. I guess encountering Ryo and Selo in hotpants is the price we will have to pay.

Hmm your words settled me, the new era is coming!
Scandinavians and Dutchmen unite!

Nothing for the Britisher? I wrote yer, you ungrateful little fool

Originally Posted by Dr. Tokofan

Lack of Toko greatly wounds the Toko's ego :c

Awwww, Toki!

Don't mind, though. This is mostly based in the NBB days of yore, before you was a member. I hope everyone featured is a long-standing member who joined shortly after formation It's about preparing the ground for the rise of the Brigade, so I needed to paint a vivid picture of a bleak and lustless land about to be ravaged... so there's plenty of room for fiddling around in the epilogue

Originally Posted by Katajainen

Practically every female included has been sexually objectified or subjectified by Ecchirei. Which category are you aiming to end up in?

ey! Only in the pursuit of ficcieness! I wouldn't dream of doing such a thing outside a story... unless the lady wanted me to

There's yer choice, I suppose, Toko

Originally Posted by Katajainen

Us two having key roles marks the beginning of a new era. I guess encountering Ryo and Selo in hotpants is the price we will have to pay.

so... the forum decides. Do Kata and Yon gain new roles or is all matter destryoed by the thought of Misaki and the Mehican in shorts?

You guys are giving me ideas... XD

Good job, Hina! Entertain the Tales's followers a little longer.

No~ Sunday's no good, post it tomorrow! or today

What is wrong with keeping us waiting just a bit? We might get more ideas while our thoughts are on what is coming.

Especially Chao.

But i'm Yonathen, i can't wait

well done for waiting next part follows

--------------------

The Tale of Sir Katzalot - Part 2

In the grey light of morning on Boor'Udan, they came upon a startling structure: a gate, impressive and imposing, but bright against the sombre landscape they had ventured through. The Yellow Gate. It was as if someone had decided on adding a splash of colour up here. Yon drew the short straw and crept up to the Gate to peer through. Sir K was beckoned over after Yon had scouted the land beyond the Gate. "I thought you should see for yourself, sir", he said as K clanked into place beside him. The area beyond and climbing up the Tower was bright yellow, and looked so far out of place it was disquieting. All of a sudden the Gate screamed on its enormous hinges, and started to draw open.

What was it the Angel had said? That our journey had been watched?

Thousands upon thousands of turtles streamed out of the Gate towards them. Sir K was at a loss. He was trained in fighting on horseback, excellent with his sword, but his training had never seen fit to include "what to do if attacked by a horde of marauding myuuing chelonians". He heard a jingle beside him.

Cap and bells donned, Yon's training took over and he danced a merry jig. Though the turtles looked too friendly to be the product of an evil war machine, they grinned at Yon's antics, and paused in their charge. Yon produced some juggling balls, and started his act. The turtles sat there, enthralled, myuuing contentedly.

Immediate danger averted, K caught Yon's eye. Although he was now up to five consecutive balls, he nodded at the knight, then at the Tower, indicating he should go on. Unfortunately, and everyone expects this of jesters, this caused Yon's balls to drop to the ground. The watching turtles didn't turn their heads at Sir K's sidling around behind them, but myuued appreciatively while waiting for the show to continue.

K ascended Boor'Udan, and found it suspiciously easy going. Steep stairs, dark haunted corridors, shadowy nameless rooms, okay, but not a guard in sight. 'Surely no mighty lord would send ALL his guards to the front gate?'.

His steps eventually led him to a grand cavern. There were no more stairs visible, so he assumed this was right at the very top of the Tower. There was gloom and deathly silence. Sir K felt a sense of an enormous space around and above him, but could see very little indeed. The light of a single torch on the far wall didn't reach over where he stood.

The hall resonated with the silence of a thousand years in a tomb. It was suffocating the air itself. His footsteps deadened as he crossed to the torch, Sir K hefted his shield...

There was a hum.

The sound was so sudden the knight almost dropped his shield. K span around. Directly behind him, in the centre of the hall, was a vending machine, dully lit by a fitful fluorescent light. Distracted, K walked up to investigate. The machine was nothing special, except that its coin counter had credit. Credit enough for anarmful of the machine's wares: doujins, DVDs, artbooks and a limited edition copy of 'Soro no Iro, Mizu no Iro', with designs by Taka Tony. K's hand reached out to press the 'Vend' button. Then the item that was starred, "free today with every item" caught his attention. Mandipantsu.

His hand drew back as he hesitated. Then K fetched his princess' token from his pouch. There was no denying it, they were the same. Except the pair the princess had been so kind to give him were a size - yes - a size smaller than the machine offered. He looked back and the vending machine hum changed tone ever so slightly. The pantsu now on offer were correct...

Sir Katzalot drew his sword. He was being watched!

The machine fell quiet, but he caught a glimpse of mad red eyes before it fell over forwards... Moving as it attempted to crush him! The crash was deafening. Not as chilling however as the piercing roar that had come all the way up the tower and reverberated around the cavern as a wall of battering sound.

When the echo died away and the dust was settling, K picked himself up and braced himself for whatever it was that had made that screech. Then his ears picked up another sound they didn't expect; when you're halfway to heaven in a doom-laden tower, you don't expect people applauding. Not sarcastically, anyway.

Two more efficient torches had been lit, either side of a throne cut out of the rock of the wall and fashioned on a raised platform.

"Well done!", said K's audience. The solitary figure ceased clapping and gave something approaching a smile, though there was no humour in it. "He almost got me with the vending machine, too"

The figure raised its head, revealing a man of obviously noble bearing, although age had made this something more like 'knobbly'. The man was not old, per say, but tireless effort and a lack of sleep had taken its toll.

"I am the hentairei, King of Boor'Udan! I rule all that is touched by the withering gloom extant from this Tower! I am the Dark Lord, the source of sin in this world! You are-"

Sir K cut through the man's rant.

"You'd be King hinarei of Yanimeb, correct?", he said.

"No-one interrupts the monologue!", the Dark Lord thundered. "I don't know... You spend ages pitching it right, getting the cackle down, even, then some berk of a hero comes along and ruins the atmosphere". The man looked at K thoughtfully. "You may come up here with your pretty little sword and your pathetic shield, 'brave' knight, but what, pray, do you intend now you're here? And how did you get past my guards?"

"I seek to reclaim the land of Yanimeb from its gathering dark cloud, foul tyrant!", exclaimed Sir K. "Your guards were all gathered at the Yellow Gate and charged us as we approached. My companion is there at this moment, holding them at bay".

"Those bloody turtles! I can't ever get them to follow an order correctly, you know. I said to make sure someone always guards the door, but they must have got distracted again... And you can't 'claim' Yanimeb. It's mine, and I seek to control all it's people by..."

"...Sending them all mad with lust? I don't see how that helps", K interjected. "Yes, well, I've got to work on certain aspects of this, you understand, but the principle is sound!", said the man. "You sit in your darkened turrets of Boor'Udan and plot to overthrow the country by making everyone rut like crazy? This is just so you've got a good view of the action isn't it?", Sir K said, astounded at the lengths some would go in pursuit of their perversions.

"No, not just that. The place needs reshaping, rebuilding after the previous trouble. Why not start with getting more people in to help? A vast army of people could spread this message to other countries and I could rule the world with a golden banana!", cackled the 'king'. 'The man is clearly unhinged, so we're starting well', Katzalot thought. 'Hang about...' "Wasn't this sort of thing happening before the King of Yanimeb went missing though? The dark has been spreading through neighbouring areas for months, so I've heard", he pointed out, stepping forward.

"WHO TOLD YOU TO MOVE?!", screeched the Dark Lord, raising a hand. His body glowed with a yellow aura, and his hand held a, yes, it was a banana, also glowing yellow. Sir K's body froze hard, and he was nailed to the spot. The man again looked pained at this. "Look, I've told you that I'm not, right? Why won't you believe me?", he burbled. Sir K gritted his teeth and listed off: "You are obsessed with ecchi, you control a horde of turtles, you're up to your neck in bananas - nice hat by the way - you have a ponytail, which isn't usually a feature in the Dark Lord catalogue" - and here the knight's eyes narrowed - "and you mentioned that you were almost caught by a machine when you came up here as well, so you didn't conjure the Tower. So what did?", he finished.

"RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR RRRR!"

Sir K's blood ran cold. The scream before hadn't been forgotten as it had seared its way into his consciousness, but this sounded much closer. And angrier.

"There's your answer, 'brave' knight", said the man on the platform as his shoulders sagged and the yellow glow faded. Through a large cutting in the wall, a creature emerged, drooling and slavering from all three of its mouths. It must have been in the mountains because it cannot have come up through the tower. It looked at the tin can sprawled on the floor with interest and a healthy dose of rage. In the background (as everything else had suddenly ceased to be relevant since the appearance of imminent monstrous death), he heard the man speak. "I am King hinarei, indeed. The ecchi had spread for months, you are also correct. I just thought it needed focussing, better direction. I came up here to challenge the creature, put forward my new ideas. It lured me with treasure, then showed me great palaces and temples, none of which interested me. But it sold me on the H. I suggested some sort of store where a hero could sample wares, and it came up with the machine. A nice touch, the pantsu. Though I have enough of those myself, I have only to ask my daughter..."

Sir K struggled to his feet, gripping his sword and token in one hand, and his shield in the other. The creature was still eying him, seeing what his meal would do next. K saw the drooling mouths, several metres above him, saw the forked tongues extend and take on a life of their own. The creature was rested on eight legs, but it had arms with which to grip its prey, and these were strong and thicker than trees. It also had several dozen tentacles, and heaven only knew what it did to its prey with those. One of its eyes had been scarred, perhaps blinded by another previous hero.

"What is this thing?!", he called.

"This is the true ruler of Boor'Udan! Ecchisaur!", cried the king.

At the mention of it's name, the creature's head turned, and K scrambled over to its legs and hacked with his sword. The creature noticed the attempt which bounced off its hide, and reached down to pluck the knight up into it's range of vision. After judging what it saw, it flicked Sir K across the hall, slamming him into the opposite wall. As Sir K slithered to the ground, the creature put its head down and charged, and butted the ground where the knight had lay crumpled. It reared up with a confused expression, because that usually worked and didn't leave it with a headache. Sir K looked from behind his shield, which had withstood the monster's attack and caused damage of its own! The Angel's gift! He scampered back between the creature's legs, stabbing upwards with his sword as he ran. The monster sorted its legs out, stamping down, trying to crush the fleeing fighter, got itself turned round, and breathed.

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZIIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!"

Arcs of red, white and blue fire spat out of its three mouths and rained down around the knight. One white blaze took him square in the back and flung Sir K skidding across the rocks. A tentacle whipped around his ankle and dragged him up into the air. Other tentacles, shying from their usual next step, slapped at the knight's armour and started stripping the knight piece by piece, because some learned behaviour dies hard. The tentacles had trouble with K's breastplate (isn't it always the way?) and chucked him into a heap in hentairei's throne. The Ecchisaur extended one claw and ripped it down the front of the knight's chest, splitting the plate as if it was paper. A four-eyed head extended down and regarded him quizzically, the most penetrating stare coming from the dead eye.

Sir K whirled his sword around and caught the creature full on the nose, spraying blood all over the throne. It reared back and took a huge intake of breath, and K covered himself with his shield. When the super-heated blast failed to materialize, K peeped over his shield at the monster. It had plucked Mandi's token from his sword hand, and was seemingly testing the waistband. It dropped the garment onto its face and grinned hugely.

Smiling contentedly to itself, the creature's attention wandered back to K, supine before it, ready to eat. Except the food swung its pointy thing again and chopped the end off a large tentacle. The Ecchisaur screamed, threw back its head and K saw the little pilot lights at the back of its throats. The crashing wave of tricolour flame punched hard into the knight's shield, crushing K down with blunt force. When the creature was finished, expecting a tasty cooked treat, it was disappointed to find a glowing, red hot shield with the knight sweating behind it. As it leaned forward, the Ecchisaur dropped the pair of pantsu it had toyed with, and they landed on the shield. Instead of singeing or setting on fire when they came in contact with the metal, the pantsu and then the shield shone white, a blinding, searing shaft of brilliance that lit the whole cavern. The Ecchisaur stared at the shield as the light faded, then fainted in a heap on the ground, writhing and bleeding heavily on the nose, its tentacles flapping madly and spurting slime.

The rather dishevelled Sir Katzalot stood up from behind his shield, but before he could peer at the front he was tapped on the shoulder. King hinarei/hentairei had called his attention. Appearing from his own hiding place behind his throne, a little too near the fight as it turned out, hentairei congratulated the brave hero. "Well done, my boy, well done! There's not many who've stood up to the Ecchisaur and won! I thought I'd seen the end of you there as he ripped your armour off, but you proved me wrong. Good shield of yours, you should take good care of your weapon".

This caught K off guard, and he said so. "Why when you're the great ruler of Boor'Udan would you applaud my beating the dragon, evil sir?". "Well", said hentairei, "it's not like you've killed him, is it? Just beaten him. No-one's ever managed to kill the beast, although they have managed to give him a headache he didn't forget. One that only his girlfriends appear to have bettered. What was on your shield?"

"I'm afraid I don't know. I was told to hope not to use the shield's power, but had no idea what it was. I wasn't aware that my shield could kill a dragon!", stammered the astonished fighter. "Stun, stun, not kill", said the king. "Must've been a doozy, knock him silly like that. His nose is gushing all over the place!" The men looked at one another, and then looked at K's shield.

After they recovered from the shock, and armed with many tissues for the blood, the two reflected on what they had seen.

"Odd to see the girl bending into that position, wasn't it?", said hentairei, wearing a dazed expression. "Yes", said K, carefully. "The young man must have been very happy to see her, too. And her friends. I wonder how you can retrieve the spanner though..."

"Here", asked hentairei, kicking the slumped monster as they walked to the steps, "why did you come all the way up here anyway? You're not from around here originally, are you?" "No, sir, I am not", answered Sir K. "I have grown to like it here though, and will consider staying for a further time. I came up here specifically to slay the dragon and rescue the kingdom from its tyranny. I was sent on a quest by decree of the princess of Yanimeb, she who gave me this token", he said, as he bent to retrieve the fallen underwear. "Princess Mandi of Yanimeb". "Blimey lad, girl must like you if she give you these to take with you", said the king. "I'd remind her not to give out her scanties to strangers before she's got to know 'em first though. One of the main tenets of being a father of a teenager, I guess", the man finished amiably. He turned and noticed the knight had stopped walking with him. "You said you had a daughter, sir? You are king hinarei, are you not? Then fair Mandi must be your daughter, yes?" At a nod from the king, Sir K fell to his knees. "Humble apologies, sir, and a blessing on your house and family! Forgive my disregard for your daughter's modesty, waving her clothes around like this. I'm sorry the monster got his claws on them too..."

"Shut up, man, and get on your feet. You've slayed the dragon! You deserve the kingdom's gratitude, at least til it wakes up. Now, I intend to stay here and continue my work in promoting lustful thoughts and directing the Ecchisaur's wild forays into the realms of H from my Tower of Boor'Udan. I need someone who'll give legitimacy to the kingdom, while protecting it without trying too hard to dissuade horny devils. I need someone to give my daughter someone to do, I mean, uh, something to do. Please, take my wishes back to my kingdom and express that I have other pressing duties to the world as a whole". The king placed his hand on Katzalot's shoulder as he finished speaking. K was more or less speechless, but blushed and nodded. "Th-thank you sir. I'll tell my master that I am here now to rule a kingdom with a fair and just hand", he said.

"Capital! I'm sure Mandi will benefit from your firm right hand", the king announced, and K collapsed with a coughing fit. "Now, before you go and divert the turtles' attention down below, there is something you should see. It is a further reward for those who successfully defeat the powerful Ecchisaur. It is the sum total of all that is H and naughty in the world. It is the secret of Boor'Udan. Those that have seen it, have been driven mad with lust, power or a desire for the longest cold shower imaginable. I call those people unambitious. It is a symbol of kingship to observe it and not wilt at the knees under its might". The king touched a piece of rock that looked like all others ranged around the wall of the cavern. The rock slid mack to reveal an enormous image.

"Behold!" cried the king. And Sir Katzalot saw...

Spoiler

file has been removed for violating our terms of service.

Sauce plz?

False picture!

...i agree with Chao
I love the turtles though

Chao is wrong! That is the most prominent and powerful of the symbols of Yanimeb!

went down well, did they?

What a cracking spoiler.

Also:

Originally Posted by Wikipedia

In Arthurian legend, Sir Kay (...) is Sir Ector's son and King Arthur's foster brother and later seneschal, as well as one of the first Knights of the Round Table. In later literature he is known for his acid tongue and bullying, boorish behavior, but in earlier accounts he was one of Arthur's premier warriors.

thought you'd like it Got a good one for the shield too

Well done for spotting that link to legend I hoped it was enough to get people thinking "where have I heard this before?" Could mean that Yon would also be named Wart

Yeah so why am i a wart O_o

I have a feeling I've kinda hijacked the thread. Chao, Bal, could you find it in your hearts to forgive me? Pleeeeeeez?

Wart was the nickname given to the once-and-future-king by the wizard Merlin in... "The Once and Future King", by TH White. Succeeded Uther Pendragon, I believe

Hmm i thought you meant like wart, those disgusting you know what

Originally Posted by hinarei

K span around. Directly behind him, in the centre of the hall, was a vending machine, dully lit by a fitful fluorescent light. (...) The machine fell quiet, but he caught a glimpse of mad red eyes before it fell over forwards... Moving as it attempted to crush him! The crash was deafening. (...) "Well done!", said K's audience. The solitary figure ceased clapping and gave something approaching a smile, though there was no humour in it. "He almost got me with the vending machine, too"

What did you say, Hatta-san?

know what? I recalled that after writing the story, thanks for finding the precise piece Classic!

I'm not sure this actually made it into my consciousness while writing...