Psychiatric Hotline

[hinarei]

Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are, where you live and what you want. Please stay on the line until we can send someone.

If you are schizophrenic, please listen carefully until the voices tell you which number to press.

If you are hallucinating please be aware the thing you are holding next to your head is about to bite off your ear.

If you are borderline, it doesn't matter which number you press– no one will answer.

If you are manic-depressive, please press 7 as fast as you can for the next 24 hours, and then crash for the following 24 hours.

If you have bipolar affective disorder, please leave a message after the beep and before the beep and after the beep.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.

If you are depressed, no one cares.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you have ADD, wander away from the phone and start another task.

If you suffer from generalized anxiety disorder, please fidget with the # key until a representative comes on the line.

If you suffer from social phobia, please hang up and go to a party.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone, and mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you are possessed by Satan press 6 three times.

[Ederius]

old one, but still gold

[hinarei]

indeedy ^_^ old one, maybe, but hadn't found it on here before

[Ryo Misaki]

Lol... I've actually not seen that one. Very nice, Hina~!

[Misaki Zero]

Originally Posted by hinarei

Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are, where you live and what you want. Please stay on the line until we can send someone.

If you are schizophrenic, please listen carefully until the voices tell you which number to press.

If you are hallucinating please be aware the thing you are holding next to your head is about to bite off your ear.

If you are borderline, it doesn't matter which number you press– no one will answer.

If you are manic-depressive, please press 7 as fast as you can for the next 24 hours, and then crash for the following 24 hours.

If you have bipolar affective disorder, please leave a message after the beep and before the beep and after the beep.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.

If you are depressed, no one cares.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you have ADD, wander away from the phone and start another task.

If you suffer from generalized anxiety disorder, please fidget with the # key until a representative comes on the line.

If you suffer from social phobia, please hang up and go to a party.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone, and mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you are possessed by Satan press 6 three times.

not funny .....I have some of these

[hinarei]

if you can't laugh at your illness, you're missing out

Apologies if you didn't find this funny.

[Prof.Nekko]

here is a video version
YouTube - Psychiatric Help Hotline

[hinarei]

lovely addition I'll watch this again when I can get sound on

[Lirik Endivian]

If Satan is in your house and asking for tea, please press 6 three times, then 9 1 1.

[Nani?]

I'm sick of pressing seven....I'm done.....

* Nani? goes to sleep.